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16 November 2012

Bacon T-Shirts For The Hungry

By Quincy Mason


Time has passed since the modern t-shirt was born, and it has taken on many incarnations. The latest incarnation is that of walking advertisement. If you are really into a band or a product, then you're probably going to wear a shirt about it. Well, the shirts in my closet serve the same purpose. I am a bacon fiend, and my bacon shirts reflect that perfectly. Just because I like showing off, let me tell you about my favorites.

Everyone loves bacon. It's a universal truth. What is bacon, really? It's delicious and desirable, it makes you want it more than you should, and you become a fat tank of goo if you gobble too much. Isn't that also how you explain what candy is to people? "Bacon Is Meat Candy" is one of my best bacon t-shirts because it preaches the truth, brothers and sisters.

The funnier the bacon t-shirts, the better. You can't deny that a shirt that hit someone in the gut and the funny bone simultaneously is a powerful social weapon. Out of all of my bacon-themed shirts, my "Wake n' Bacon" shirt gets the most laughs. It ius past time that we took the 'wake and bake" phrase back from the criminals of this country, and give it back to the God-fearing bacon eaters.

Bacon t-shirts can be cool too. You don't need some artsy design to make a shirt super cool, at least in my humble opinion. My shirt that has a distressed image of a pig and says "Baconista" on it is probably one of my favorite shirts ever. I like the idea of people seeing me in my Baconista tee and thinking that there is some official word for a connoisseur of the bacon arts.

"I used to think that bacon was bad for me until I gave up on thinking" is probably the most perfect representation of my feelings out of all of my many bacon t-shirts. I wear it so much that I'm pretty surprised that I've only got the one greasy spot on it so far. I deserve a gold star for that, or something. You can have a whole string of PhD's behind your name and I still would not pay much attention to the health risks of bacon. Bacon is a balm to my soul, as they say.

Don't be jealous of my awesome bacon t-shirts, friend. You can have one too. Just go searching on the old World Wide Web and you'll find dozens of sites that sell great bacon tees. Since everyone has differing opinions, you'll probably see shirts out there that you'll like even more than the shirts I've told you about. We can love different shirts because we'll always love bacon, and that's a tie that can never be broken. Welcome home, my bacon-brothers and bacon-sisters.




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